wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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