he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
