Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
