I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
