Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
