Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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