it was like his penis was on wheels.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
