I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
