Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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