nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
