as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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