Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
