five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
