Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
