i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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