Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
