it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
