My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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