I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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