I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
