I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
