please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
