Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
