if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
