I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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