my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
