White coat. Heels.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
