i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
