Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
