So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
