i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
