Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize