Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
