Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Couch. On fire.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
