For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
