come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
