jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
