Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
