Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
