Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
