I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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