hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
