he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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