Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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