Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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