what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
