I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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