Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't deserve a penis
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
