Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
