How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
