Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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