how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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