I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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