I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize