They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
