Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
