You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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