Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
