just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
