would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You are a genius and a whore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
