he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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