I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
