The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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