you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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