He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
