in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
